Letter to Myself (Ghost of Student Teaching's Past)

Dear Self,

Wow, I bet you wouldn’t imagine the amazing things you went through during your time student teaching at East High School. You stayed with the same CT three semesters in a row she is extremely helpful by the way, so listen to all of the wisdom she gives you. Stick with your student teacher friends that are down the hall from you, especially Chris. He is big and strong and will protect you. Natalie will be a great friend to listen to your concerns, so always feel open to them. Oh, by the way, try taking Nature of Poetry a little earlier in your student career – that surely crunched your pre-student teaching semester! Make sure you start student teaching earlier than the required come-back date. Snow days may be lurking in your future. START YOUR KPTP ASAP! Don’t say “I’ll do it later” because later comes too late! Amber, be cautioned, early in the semester you’re going to have to deal with some serious grief. Your beloved grandma passes away, and you will feel the heavy burden of mourning on top of your teaching load. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to say I need a moment, you’re grieving, you loved her so much, and she loved you, too. Remember? The last thing she said to you was how proud she was of you – and that she would be praying that you would get the job in Hutchinson (prayers are powerful!). You know she’s in a better place; you know she wants you to keep continuing, so do it. Don’t make excuses for yourself. Also, don’t worry about taking chances or making mistakes – you’ll make plenty of those. You may be called some interesting names by students, and may walk into a scandalous scene in the bathroom – but remember that all these experiences are helping you grow, and become the teacher YOU want to be. Oh, and yes, you get a job – in March! You receive two offers, but you know that your heart lingers to home. (You will watch Jane Eyre a million times and start empathizing with her pains of wandering and finding “home.”) You struggle with the transition of moving to Wichita – you absolutely despise it. Friday evenings can’t come fast enough for you to go back home. Some people won’t understand your longing and homesickness, but that’s okay. Remember the song "Rise" by Shawn McDonald -- it will get you by. 

Oh, back to those jobs. Don’t get so nervous and tongue-tied; you’ve waited for the opportunity to interview your entire college years. And those prayers, those heart-felt prayers you, your family and friends sent for that job? They worked. You received the job, not just any job, but the job in Hutchinson - home, home finally, and everything turned out so incredibly well, that only God Himself could do such wonders. Remember, your mother isn't the only support system you have, your fiance' loves and cares for you, don't neglect his needs, or his love. Note to self: kindness works wonders. You will struggle with the way some of the students treat you, but they don’t know you. Some of them will seem a bit stand-offish at first, but you have the support from your CT that you need. You will pass your KPTP; you will struggle with passing the Praxis English Content test. Just because you struggle, doesn’t mean you are incapable. You’ve worked hard, you know your content! Don’t let some silly test get you down. Tests don’t define who you are and how you work as a teacher. You will be frustrated, upset, you’ll cry (but try not to in front of the students), your patience will be tested; however, you will inspire, laugh, learn, teach, you will touch the lives of your students, and at the end of the day that is what truly matters. Best of luck as you go through this process! Stay positive and pray A LOT – you will need the strength that only God can give you.

 Sincerely,
Older, wiser, and more experienced You.

Surviving the Storm

Now that I know I have passed my KPTP, my heavy storm is only a light drizzle. I still have the concern of passing my last content test; however, I feel a great load has been lifted off of my shoulders. I have completed all of my full-time teaching duties, and I can't express how wonderful I feel about everything. I was talking to one of the other teacher's at our school about how fast the student teaching semester goes by. It seems like we only began student teaching just yesterday, and in three short weeks this experience will be over. It's amazing to reflect on all of the different experiences, the lessons learned, the moments of frustration, angst and the desire to give up. I have grown, I have learned to adapt and overcome, to accept that not all things will work out the way I want them to. I cannot believe that this is coming to the end. The picture up above is how I would put the end of this experience into a visual - I've survived the storm, now I'm coasting my way on to better and brighter days. My four years of college are finally coming to an end, and there's a rainbow at the end of my academic storm. I don't mean that I have completely disliked my academic journey, but there have been many things I have experienced through this journey. The best thing about journeys is the fact that we don't have to go through them alone.

This conversation from Frodo and Sam in the Lord of the Rings has to be similar to the conversations that I have had with my friends this year -- I was definitely a Frodo at some times! You can listen to the speech on the right.
Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo...and it's worth fighting for.

Thank you all for your encouragement through this entire process, I can't wait to celebrate all of our successes at our graduation ceremony. It's been a wild ride, but I'm so glad I was able to go through the experience of growing and becoming a teacher with the rest of you.

Live long and prosper, friends.
-Ms. A

Taming the Test

Over the past eight months I have been trying to prepare, study, and cram all of the information possible into my brain just to successfully pass the English Content Praxis test. Some may think I should be ashamed to speak so openly about my failures with passing this exam, but through failures come lessons, and through this lesson I have learned the ability to empathize and understand the frustrations my peers and students have with being required to test when our abilities are all different. Frustrations and adversities certainly get the best of us -- especially myself. I have struggled with passing my test, I have taken it a few times and have missed passing within the score margin of five to two points. Frustration, anger, fear, sadness, confusion ... I question, what is wrong with me? I've read the literature, I've even taught it! Then there's the books that I've never heard of, or the secondary character from Shakespeare's plays that I'm supposed to know the exact play they're from!? I don't teach or expect my students to learn on the basis of rote memory -- so why should teachers be required to do this? Constantly I have questioned myself, my ability, my thoughts. Am I really supposed to be doing this? I passed the PLT just fine; I had to take the ESL Praxis test twice (I finally broke down and took the summer test prep course, which was what I needed to succeed.) There's so much pressure looming over my head to pass this test. Now, I looked back at my testing records and have found that I passed my PLT and second ESL Praxis' when I took them in the summer time. Maybe there is some strange psychology behind this?

I think I can "tame the test" when I don't have the stress of school, or the KPTP, or any other influences. I plan on taking this English Praxis in June, and, I am confident that I will pass it this time. Getting away from the craziness of the school year, and life will give me time to clear my mind, and focus strictly on this test. I'm so thankful that I've been engaged for three years - our wedding is planned, and I feel no stress in that aspect of my life. I have faith that I can take this test and pass it. If you find yourself  struggling with studying or passing these tests just remember - we will be able to help our students when they feel the looming pressure of taking assessments. I hope that none of you have to struggle with the testing anxiety/frustrations that I have. Anxiety causes so many issues. The one thing that keeps me going is knowing that I haven't

gotten this far in my teaching career for a silly test to get in my way. I will overcome this! I know that it is pertinent to test teachers and their abilities, and I do not want my comments to sound like excuses, there are many factors that can affect an individual when under extreme amounts of pressure (I'm sure you all know what I mean).

 

If you need some additional resources I found an amazing website that not only has great information, but also resources that may help you pass the English Praxis.

http://praxis2.edublogs.org/the-study-guide/

 

Also, I know I posted this site on our class wiki, but procon.org has some interesting information about standardized testing for students - it's interesting to apply some of the ideas to the teachers' need for "standardized" Praxis tests: ProCon.org: Standardized Tests

 

 

Live long and prosper, friends.

Best of luck on your current or future testing endeavors and job hunts!
I'm sending good thoughts your way. :)

 

Ms. A

The Many Forms of Strength

We all know there are many forms of strength - physical strength to move our bodies with force and momentum, and then our mental strength that thrives on our emotions and deep thoughts. Lately, as the end is in sight I feel all forms, every single tiny bit of strength being withdrawn from my body. I have the relief and security of a job, my KPTP is done, I'm awaiting a Praxis test result, I've started packing for when my fiance' and I move, and I am slowly retiring my duties in the classroom. I should be completely relaxed, right?? I'm not quite sure why I have felt so exhausted. I found an interesting article on Burnout - the side effects and what causes it to happen. I love this profession, and I'm not tired of teaching. I just think the stress and pressure from all of the outside influences on top of my responsibilities of school have been building on one another, and I'm just suffering from the effects of my whirlwind of a life. I hope I'm not the only one out here feeling this way! Here's an article on Burnout that directly discusses the effects of burnout on an educator: Teacher Burnout (Just a quick thought - on the discussion board many claim that teacher burnout comes from the lack of organization, which I think to a point is true, but not the sole reason for teachers to suffer from burnout.)

My fiance' is also suffering from burnout with his engineering work, so we've both started keeping each other accountable for our eating habits and exercising habits and it has made a great difference, we've also been praying together before we go to bed every night. I just want this semester t

o end well, and I want to pass and complete all the necessary requirements so that I can teach with no worries in the fall! I have to smile at this thought: in my job interview I was asked how I would cope with burnout, and my personal response (which some may think inappropriate) was that I would pray for added strength and read my Bible and meditate on those things. The principal smiled at me and nodded his head. I know that not everyone would agree with that, but I wanted to be honest in my answer, and I think that when we interview we shouldn't hide who we really are. (I was still hired!) We all have different ways of coping, but we need some type of coping mechanism to get us through these difficult times. I think the weather also has a great impact on the students and teachers alike. It's April and cold, and it has snowed a little bit on and off... I'm so ready for some bright sunshine and warm air. I love the quote by Albert Camus. I have to remind myself that even though I'm exhausted, and tired, there is still a flame that shines brightly, even if my surroundings are dim.

I hope you all find the invincible summer within your souls to brighten your days and to get you through these next few weeks.

Live long and prosper, friends.
Ms. A